Hey Jebb - yep, I can really see that machine now - reminds me of the 'orgasm piano' from Barbarella! Just a thought: I think it's going to be too difficult in the space of a minute to establish first that the beauty parlour is busy - and then that it is not. Contrary to my previous feedback re. the win/win, I'm going to suggest now that you ditch the busy/not busy strand in your script; I think it's a complication your love story doesn't need; that the machine simply makes the parlour 'more' popular is going to work just fine and means you can concentrate on the relationship.
Hey Jebb - yep, I can really see that machine now - reminds me of the 'orgasm piano' from Barbarella! Just a thought: I think it's going to be too difficult in the space of a minute to establish first that the beauty parlour is busy - and then that it is not. Contrary to my previous feedback re. the win/win, I'm going to suggest now that you ditch the busy/not busy strand in your script; I think it's a complication your love story doesn't need; that the machine simply makes the parlour 'more' popular is going to work just fine and means you can concentrate on the relationship.
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